Understanding Compulsive Behaviors: Why You Can’t Stop, Even When You Want To

Ever feel like you’re trapped in a cycle you can’t break? Maybe you’ve washed your hands so many times that your skin is raw, or you’ve checked the door lock for the tenth time, even though you know it’s secure. Compulsive behaviors are a core symptom of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and they can leave you feeling frustrated, exhausted, and helpless.

But here's the truth: You’re not broken. These behaviors are your brain’s way of trying to relieve anxiety, but they’re not effective in the long run. Understanding compulsive behaviors—and why they happen—is the first step toward breaking free.

What Are Compulsive Behaviors?

Compulsive behaviors are actions you feel compelled to do in response to an obsessive thought or feeling. They often feel like a need or a ritual—something you just have to do to prevent something bad from happening, or to make yourself feel “right.” For example:

• Checking behaviors, like repeatedly checking if appliances are turned off or doors are locked

• Cleaning rituals, such as excessive hand-washing or cleaning things in a specific order

• Counting or arranging behaviors, where you feel compelled to arrange objects in a certain way or count things repeatedly

• Mental compulsions, such as silently repeating phrases or doing math in your head to neutralize intrusive thoughts

The goal of these compulsions is to reduce the intense anxiety caused by obsessive thoughts, but they often only provide temporary relief. The cycle continues because the anxiety never fully goes away.

Why Can’t I Stop?

One of the most frustrating things about compulsive behaviors is that you know, logically, that they don’t make sense. You may recognize that repeatedly checking the stove doesn’t actually prevent a fire, but the urge to do it feels overwhelming. This is a hallmark of OCD: It’s not about rational thinking—it’s about anxiety and the need to relieve it.

Compulsive behaviors are driven by fear—fear of something terrible happening if you don’t do them. The cycle of anxiety and relief reinforces the behavior, making it feel even more difficult to stop.

3 Tools to Manage Compulsive Behaviors

1. Practice Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)
ERP is a gold-standard treatment for OCD, but it can be tough. The goal is to expose yourself to the source of your anxiety without performing the compulsion. For example, if you feel the urge to check the door, try resisting the urge and sit with the discomfort. Over time, this helps you realize that the anxiety will fade on its own, and you won’t be harmed by resisting.

2. Use Grounding Techniques
When the urge to engage in a compulsion is strong, try grounding yourself in the present moment. Take deep breaths, focus on what you can see and hear around you, and remind yourself that the anxiety is temporary. This can help you break the compulsion in the moment and refocus your attention elsewhere.

3. Set Small Boundaries
Start small by setting limits for yourself. If you typically check the locks five times, try reducing it to three. Gradually increase these limits as you feel more comfortable. The goal is to give yourself permission to break the cycle without feeling guilty, knowing that the relief from compulsions is temporary and not effective in the long term.

Compulsive behaviors can feel overwhelming, but they don’t define who you are. With time, patience, and the right tools, you can start to regain control. It’s a process of learning to sit with discomfort, challenge the fear, and trust that relief will come without the need for the compulsions. You don’t have to keep the cycle going—and you don’t have to do it alone.